Four Situations Where We "Tell" Instead of "Ask"

Situation 1. The “all knowing advice giver.” A person when asked for help who automatically assumes the he or she knows what will be helpful based on assumptions about what the asker knows or has already done. Examples: I ask an IT person for help on completing something via phone and he says, “Just hit the pound sign,” except that I haven’t a clue as to what the “pound sign” is. I ask a friend what to do about my troubled relationship with my girlfriend and he says, “Just tell her where you stand -- be totally honest with her.” He doesn't realize that I was honest about a sensitive issue and that is what gave rise to the trouble in our relationship in the first place.

Situation 2. The leader assuming that he or she knows enough to tell the subordinate what to do. Examples: “Here is what I want you to try” says the boss, throwing out directions before hurrying off, not waiting to learn that subordinate has already tried what was suggested with no success. The doctor tells the patient to take the pills at bedtime but does not know (or bother to inquire) about the fact that the patient works different shifts and so has a variety of bedtimes.